Dating Singles over 40: Avoiding Time-Wasters
By Stephanie Constantina
Once we reach our 40's we realize that there is less time to waste, we don't have time for the dating relationships that lead nowhere and those time-wasting personalities that can deflect us from our true goals of love or marriage. We might have been willing to put up with all this when dating in our twenties, but not any more. So how can a single person over 40 avoid plunging into another desperate relationship that only leads down a blind alley? In this respect the online personals give some advantage. In making contact with other over 40s singles online, you have the chance to e-mail a number of different people, and start to get to know them, at the same time. This gives you a way to weed out those who are unsuitable before you move on to the step of dating one of them. How to weed out those over 40s who do not meet our criteria? In answering this it is important to first understand that you must actively engaged in an e-mail conversation with each of your chosen over 40s singles. You cannot send the same e-mail to different people with just the names changed if you expect to be successful with online dating. You must make efforts to respond to things in someone's online dating profile, as well as to engage with what they say in their e-mails. Once you have a good conversation going with someone you can begin to look for things that might put you off them. You can begin with the obvious. If they tell you that they have six dogs sharing their home and you have an allergy to dog hair then it's a no-brainer to tail off the conversation. But not everything is always so obvious. Think about the relationships you've had in your life so far, in particular those that didn't work. What was it that eventually put you off those people? What did they do? Was it their hang ups or their bad behavior once you got to know them better? Ask yourself how you can find out about these and similar things in a subtle way in the conversation you are having with somebody now. Perhaps you can ask them about their past history -- on a conversational level, of course. Or perhaps there will already be early indications of problems in what is the other person is saying. If your correspondent constantly talks about old boyfriends or girlfriends or failed relationships, for example, then tread warily. They may be too tied up with the past and their own emotional baggage. On the other hand, the shoe may be on the other foot, and you may have to look to yourself to expunge emotional baggage of your own. This is never an easy process but may be necessary if you are to move on and be successful dating other over 40s singles. Of course nobody is perfect, we all have our faults, and you have to be careful that you don't talk yourself out of getting to know someone who may turn out to be perfect for you. Getting this balance right and forming a measured opinion of people is a skill you need to acquire, particularly when taking part in over 40s dating.
Senior Online Dating - A Terrible Name for a Good Idea
By Alison Braidwood
Senior dating websites are popping up all over the internet, as enterprising entrepreneurs clue in to the fact that the older population has plenty of money to spend online. And the "older" group they're targeting are singles over 40 years of age. Yes, 40 is the age at which we become "seniors" in the online dating game. Egads, you say? It's a terrible thing, to be feeling young and funky one moment, innocently surfing the net, only to stumble across information that immediately makes you feel 1000 years old. If reading this now is having the same effect on you, we apologize. Really. Take solace in the knowledge that it's not entirely universal, this over-40 senior thing. Some mature dating sites only identify you as a senior dater if you're over-50. That's a relief, then. How is it that someone from a healthy young adult demographic (and 40 is still young), can morph overnight into a "senior" anything? It's entirely possible that the culprit is some anonymous internet marketer who decided that he needed to create a new dating niche. The online romance business is intensely competitive and many people are making fortunes, but it's probably hard for newbies to break into. Maybe they needed to narrow down the field and re-brand senior dating to include the over-40s in order to compete. Who knows? So, the name is terrible. Senior dating, indeed. But if we can get over the indignity of the label, then the idea has possibilities. If a dating site only accepts registrations from a certain age group, then it could have the beneficial effect of filtering out time wasters and increasing your chances of meeting like-minded people. After all, the selection criteria, aside from age, is still pretty much the same. You can still search for dog-lovers, garden gnome haters, and fellow Trekkies, if that's your thing. Now if only we could convince the government to start paying us our pensions at 40. Then we'd have loads more time to devote to online dating.
What Are The Odds? Finding A Mate After 40
By Camille Strate
I wonder who ever started the myth that women over 40 don't stand a chance in hell of finding a mate and marrying, whether for the first time or the 5th. It seems to me that there are loads of women over 40 who are not only extremely attractive, but also much more comfortable in their skin than their younger counterparts. They're more confident, more compassionate and certainly more able to love completely than they might have been in their earlier years. So why do such myths continue? If I were given a magic lamp and offered the opportunity to 'go back' to any age I like, I wouldn't go back to any of them. I like being where I am. I like the feeling of knowing who I am, and not having to subscribe to anyone else's version of who I 'should be'. I love the feeling of calm that comes over me when confronted by anyone who feels the need to 'get in my face' for whatever reason they feel compelled to pick a fight. Most of all, I love knowing that when push comes to shove, the one person in the world I KNOW I can count on is ME. It comes from living. It comes from settling in to my Self. It comes from having loved and lost and survived the heart-ache, even though at the time, I thought it would kill me. It didn't. I'm still standing. And, truth be told, I'm a far better woman now than I ever was at 25 or 30 or 35. In fact, when I was 25, even though I THOUGHT I had the world in my hands and nothing could ever stop me from doing anything I wanted, I was a train wreck. Really. A train wreck. I was outwardly confident to the point of arrogance. I was ruthless in my honesty. I had very little, if any, patience. And I really thought I had my 'stuff' together. Sheesh. What I didn't know was A LOT. So now, here I am at what is most commonly called "Middle Aged". I have a lean, strong body. I have a few lines around my mouth. I have strong, useful hands that are as eager to soothe as they are to create. I have a wicked sense of humor and a heart of gold. I have friends who I've known since I was a train wreck, and they still love me. I have the freedom to be, do and have anything I choose, and I'm much better at the choices I make for the wisdom I've acquired. What's more, I have vision beyond what my eyes can see. And that vision allows for truths that I could never have seen in my earlier years. So, with all that I have, and all that I know, why would it be impossible for me to find a mate, even at this age? I believe there are 2 kinds of men in the world. Those that know who they are and those that pretend to be someone else. I've seen many a marriage torn apart after 20 years because he found someone younger. He'd leave his wife, who put him through college, bore his children and put up with his bull while he was working his way to 'the top', just so he could feel good about his virility or his waning good looks. He tossed it to the wind so he could marry the young little chickadee who made him 'feel like a man'. One friend in particular, who recently went through this agony, called me up one day to tell me that she was going in for plastic surgery and needed a ride to and from the Doc's office. This is a 41 year old women who could pass for 30 any day of the week, with a brilliant mind and a lovely heart. Yet, because the knucklehead left her for a younger woman, she decided to 'get younger' herself and go under the knife. I did my best to talk her out of it. Kept saying, "Honey, just wait a little while longer. Wait until you're not feeling so devastated. Make this decision when you're emotionally well, not when you're falling apart." But she wouldn't hear of it. When, at last, I realized she was going through with it, whether I was there or not, I did what I do for all the people I love. I stood by her and stayed until she was able to get out of bed on her own and actually feed herself. It was a long, brutal 6 days and every time I heard her cry out, I wanted to kill the guy. But, of course, it wasn't really his fault. It was her all along. And she made the choice based on her own insecurities. Maybe he left her for reasons she didn't even know about. The men I've met who are not afraid of their mortality are the ones who wouldn't dream of leaving their wives. They're the ones who see her for who she is, in all her aging glory, and love her even more. The ones who understand that her beauty goes far beyond what can be seen with human eyes. The ones who were there when she was a train wreck, and stayed for the party anyway. The ones who went through as many changes as she did but stuck it out because they made a promise. These are the very men who'd marry a woman over 40 and be grateful to have the chance. But, the question is, where are they? They're with their wives, that's where. The reason women over 40 MAY have a bigger challenge marrying is NOT because she's over 40, it's because most of the men who would love to marry her are already married and wouldn't think of leaving their beloved wives. The other men, the ones who left their wives for younger women, are likely to be divorced again (because the young chickadee got tired of his 'old, tired self') and ran off with a younger man. So now the old man is divorced, his first wife has gotten on with her life, and he's the loser sitting in a bar looking for some lonely old woman who'll 'settle' for less than she deserves. Problem is, that woman, the 'older woman', is wise to his ways and won't have any part of his nonsense. Stalemate. These scenarios I describe are merely scenarios. There are probably lots of terrific guys out there who'd be honored to have (and appreciate) a woman over 40. And there are likely just as many women over 40 who would find those men delightful. The question is not whether or not women over 40 stand a chance in hell of marrying. The question is, does she KNOW how utterly valuable she is? Does she hold herself in high esteem? Does she know that she's a queen deserving of a prince who will adore her and lavish her in love? Does she know that for all she's lived, all her scars and lines and wrinkles, she's even more beautiful than she was when she was 25? It is this woman's observation that THIS is where the myth arises. And it's up to us to eradicate that myth. Women over 40 unite! Look in the mirror and sing your praise. You ARE so beautiful. And once you really feel that, you'll be as irresistible as you were the day you brushed on your first smudge of blush. Love YOURSELF. Then you'll see who shows up to treat you like the queen that you are. Camille Olivia Strate is an author, empowerment coach and critter keeper in search of the perfect pasture. Among her many passions is assisting people in returning to their 'true selves' by way of empowerment coaching. She believes strongly in 'paying it forward' and lives by 'do what you love and the money will follow'. Her latest book, "Whispers" is now available in eBook format. Hard copy to follow soon! Visit her personal site at http://www.joyzachoice.com/
By Stephanie Constantina
Once we reach our 40's we realize that there is less time to waste, we don't have time for the dating relationships that lead nowhere and those time-wasting personalities that can deflect us from our true goals of love or marriage. We might have been willing to put up with all this when dating in our twenties, but not any more. So how can a single person over 40 avoid plunging into another desperate relationship that only leads down a blind alley? In this respect the online personals give some advantage. In making contact with other over 40s singles online, you have the chance to e-mail a number of different people, and start to get to know them, at the same time. This gives you a way to weed out those who are unsuitable before you move on to the step of dating one of them. How to weed out those over 40s who do not meet our criteria? In answering this it is important to first understand that you must actively engaged in an e-mail conversation with each of your chosen over 40s singles. You cannot send the same e-mail to different people with just the names changed if you expect to be successful with online dating. You must make efforts to respond to things in someone's online dating profile, as well as to engage with what they say in their e-mails. Once you have a good conversation going with someone you can begin to look for things that might put you off them. You can begin with the obvious. If they tell you that they have six dogs sharing their home and you have an allergy to dog hair then it's a no-brainer to tail off the conversation. But not everything is always so obvious. Think about the relationships you've had in your life so far, in particular those that didn't work. What was it that eventually put you off those people? What did they do? Was it their hang ups or their bad behavior once you got to know them better? Ask yourself how you can find out about these and similar things in a subtle way in the conversation you are having with somebody now. Perhaps you can ask them about their past history -- on a conversational level, of course. Or perhaps there will already be early indications of problems in what is the other person is saying. If your correspondent constantly talks about old boyfriends or girlfriends or failed relationships, for example, then tread warily. They may be too tied up with the past and their own emotional baggage. On the other hand, the shoe may be on the other foot, and you may have to look to yourself to expunge emotional baggage of your own. This is never an easy process but may be necessary if you are to move on and be successful dating other over 40s singles. Of course nobody is perfect, we all have our faults, and you have to be careful that you don't talk yourself out of getting to know someone who may turn out to be perfect for you. Getting this balance right and forming a measured opinion of people is a skill you need to acquire, particularly when taking part in over 40s dating.
Senior Online Dating - A Terrible Name for a Good Idea
By Alison Braidwood
Senior dating websites are popping up all over the internet, as enterprising entrepreneurs clue in to the fact that the older population has plenty of money to spend online. And the "older" group they're targeting are singles over 40 years of age. Yes, 40 is the age at which we become "seniors" in the online dating game. Egads, you say? It's a terrible thing, to be feeling young and funky one moment, innocently surfing the net, only to stumble across information that immediately makes you feel 1000 years old. If reading this now is having the same effect on you, we apologize. Really. Take solace in the knowledge that it's not entirely universal, this over-40 senior thing. Some mature dating sites only identify you as a senior dater if you're over-50. That's a relief, then. How is it that someone from a healthy young adult demographic (and 40 is still young), can morph overnight into a "senior" anything? It's entirely possible that the culprit is some anonymous internet marketer who decided that he needed to create a new dating niche. The online romance business is intensely competitive and many people are making fortunes, but it's probably hard for newbies to break into. Maybe they needed to narrow down the field and re-brand senior dating to include the over-40s in order to compete. Who knows? So, the name is terrible. Senior dating, indeed. But if we can get over the indignity of the label, then the idea has possibilities. If a dating site only accepts registrations from a certain age group, then it could have the beneficial effect of filtering out time wasters and increasing your chances of meeting like-minded people. After all, the selection criteria, aside from age, is still pretty much the same. You can still search for dog-lovers, garden gnome haters, and fellow Trekkies, if that's your thing. Now if only we could convince the government to start paying us our pensions at 40. Then we'd have loads more time to devote to online dating.
What Are The Odds? Finding A Mate After 40
By Camille Strate
I wonder who ever started the myth that women over 40 don't stand a chance in hell of finding a mate and marrying, whether for the first time or the 5th. It seems to me that there are loads of women over 40 who are not only extremely attractive, but also much more comfortable in their skin than their younger counterparts. They're more confident, more compassionate and certainly more able to love completely than they might have been in their earlier years. So why do such myths continue? If I were given a magic lamp and offered the opportunity to 'go back' to any age I like, I wouldn't go back to any of them. I like being where I am. I like the feeling of knowing who I am, and not having to subscribe to anyone else's version of who I 'should be'. I love the feeling of calm that comes over me when confronted by anyone who feels the need to 'get in my face' for whatever reason they feel compelled to pick a fight. Most of all, I love knowing that when push comes to shove, the one person in the world I KNOW I can count on is ME. It comes from living. It comes from settling in to my Self. It comes from having loved and lost and survived the heart-ache, even though at the time, I thought it would kill me. It didn't. I'm still standing. And, truth be told, I'm a far better woman now than I ever was at 25 or 30 or 35. In fact, when I was 25, even though I THOUGHT I had the world in my hands and nothing could ever stop me from doing anything I wanted, I was a train wreck. Really. A train wreck. I was outwardly confident to the point of arrogance. I was ruthless in my honesty. I had very little, if any, patience. And I really thought I had my 'stuff' together. Sheesh. What I didn't know was A LOT. So now, here I am at what is most commonly called "Middle Aged". I have a lean, strong body. I have a few lines around my mouth. I have strong, useful hands that are as eager to soothe as they are to create. I have a wicked sense of humor and a heart of gold. I have friends who I've known since I was a train wreck, and they still love me. I have the freedom to be, do and have anything I choose, and I'm much better at the choices I make for the wisdom I've acquired. What's more, I have vision beyond what my eyes can see. And that vision allows for truths that I could never have seen in my earlier years. So, with all that I have, and all that I know, why would it be impossible for me to find a mate, even at this age? I believe there are 2 kinds of men in the world. Those that know who they are and those that pretend to be someone else. I've seen many a marriage torn apart after 20 years because he found someone younger. He'd leave his wife, who put him through college, bore his children and put up with his bull while he was working his way to 'the top', just so he could feel good about his virility or his waning good looks. He tossed it to the wind so he could marry the young little chickadee who made him 'feel like a man'. One friend in particular, who recently went through this agony, called me up one day to tell me that she was going in for plastic surgery and needed a ride to and from the Doc's office. This is a 41 year old women who could pass for 30 any day of the week, with a brilliant mind and a lovely heart. Yet, because the knucklehead left her for a younger woman, she decided to 'get younger' herself and go under the knife. I did my best to talk her out of it. Kept saying, "Honey, just wait a little while longer. Wait until you're not feeling so devastated. Make this decision when you're emotionally well, not when you're falling apart." But she wouldn't hear of it. When, at last, I realized she was going through with it, whether I was there or not, I did what I do for all the people I love. I stood by her and stayed until she was able to get out of bed on her own and actually feed herself. It was a long, brutal 6 days and every time I heard her cry out, I wanted to kill the guy. But, of course, it wasn't really his fault. It was her all along. And she made the choice based on her own insecurities. Maybe he left her for reasons she didn't even know about. The men I've met who are not afraid of their mortality are the ones who wouldn't dream of leaving their wives. They're the ones who see her for who she is, in all her aging glory, and love her even more. The ones who understand that her beauty goes far beyond what can be seen with human eyes. The ones who were there when she was a train wreck, and stayed for the party anyway. The ones who went through as many changes as she did but stuck it out because they made a promise. These are the very men who'd marry a woman over 40 and be grateful to have the chance. But, the question is, where are they? They're with their wives, that's where. The reason women over 40 MAY have a bigger challenge marrying is NOT because she's over 40, it's because most of the men who would love to marry her are already married and wouldn't think of leaving their beloved wives. The other men, the ones who left their wives for younger women, are likely to be divorced again (because the young chickadee got tired of his 'old, tired self') and ran off with a younger man. So now the old man is divorced, his first wife has gotten on with her life, and he's the loser sitting in a bar looking for some lonely old woman who'll 'settle' for less than she deserves. Problem is, that woman, the 'older woman', is wise to his ways and won't have any part of his nonsense. Stalemate. These scenarios I describe are merely scenarios. There are probably lots of terrific guys out there who'd be honored to have (and appreciate) a woman over 40. And there are likely just as many women over 40 who would find those men delightful. The question is not whether or not women over 40 stand a chance in hell of marrying. The question is, does she KNOW how utterly valuable she is? Does she hold herself in high esteem? Does she know that she's a queen deserving of a prince who will adore her and lavish her in love? Does she know that for all she's lived, all her scars and lines and wrinkles, she's even more beautiful than she was when she was 25? It is this woman's observation that THIS is where the myth arises. And it's up to us to eradicate that myth. Women over 40 unite! Look in the mirror and sing your praise. You ARE so beautiful. And once you really feel that, you'll be as irresistible as you were the day you brushed on your first smudge of blush. Love YOURSELF. Then you'll see who shows up to treat you like the queen that you are. Camille Olivia Strate is an author, empowerment coach and critter keeper in search of the perfect pasture. Among her many passions is assisting people in returning to their 'true selves' by way of empowerment coaching. She believes strongly in 'paying it forward' and lives by 'do what you love and the money will follow'. Her latest book, "Whispers" is now available in eBook format. Hard copy to follow soon! Visit her personal site at http://www.joyzachoice.com/
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